My first blog (almost 2 years ago!)

Saturday, October 29, 2005

So here goes my first attempt at a blog (having received a lot of encouragement from my baby sis Anj). It's ironic that I'm actually pathetically "technology-challenged." After all, I work as a manager at a high-tech company in the Bay Area (Silicon Valley, mecca for all things high-tech!). Blogs are actually kinda intimidating but at the same time comforting. Could one imagine if such a tool was actually available to Gaius Julius Caesar or Benjamin Franklin? Granted we have access to their writings anyway BUT to have such a tool at your disposal - to record your thoughts about anything and everything under the sun - wow! I say comforting because memories can be saved and archived electronically maybe for all of eternity for the rest of your loved ones. Whatever I write - be it profound, brilliant (ha!), or just plain silly - recorded and readily available a few clicks away.

I'm writing now after putting my baby girl Maya to sleep. She is 10 weeks old and has not yet "learned" the skill of sleeping through the night. It's almost like playing the odds in Vegas. One time you're up and getting at least 5-6 straight hours of sleep (woo hoo!). The next, you're waking up every hour from midnight to 4am trying to comfort a screaming infant whose only means of communication is, well, crying. I thought I would get "ready" for motherhood by reading as much as possible on parenting techniques. The "Ferberizing" method (sounds ominous, doesn't it), nighttime parenting by Dr Sears, The Baby Whisperer, Babywise, Happiest Baby on the Block, etc etc. They are very good resources but none are working at the moment and sometimes I feel very inadequate as a parent. At my lowest and most exhausting point, I'd be crying along with her, like I was at 3am this morning when I was nursing for what seemed to be the nth time of the night. I'd have a few good days and then boom, we have to start all over again. I'd pray to God to help her sleep through the night and many times I would gingerly go lie down on the side of our bed and pray that I do not have to get up again in 10 minutes. But maybe I'm missing the point of parenting here by focusing too much on my child's ability to sleep. After all, at some point in her young life, we will figure it out (yes we will!). Maybe I should pray more for wisdom (like Solomon did when he was about to lead Israel as king after his father King David had died). I've only been a parent for 10 weeks and it already has been an incredible (and very humbling) experience. I'm looking forward to the weeks and months and years to come and I pray that I parent this child (along with my husband Justin) with grace and wisdom.

Many times I am rewarded with bright-eyed smiles and sweet coos, even if they do come at 2am in the morning.